The past few months have been a bit of a slog, so I haven’t worked up the energy to write like I wanted. I’ve started working on improving some habits though and the energy is coming back to me so I’ll start with a personal update before posting some other things I’ve been meaning to write about. This wasn’t borne out of a New Years Resolution but some actual changes I’vee been working on, so hopefully this won’t be a short lived burst of energy either.
Running Updates
Since switching over to the estrogen injections, I am definitely slower now. For runs where I am pushing my effort, I am definitely at least 30 seconds per mile slower. I haven’t done a lot of easily comparable runs, so it’s harder to say exactly what has changed for my pace, but that’s where I would start. On all my easy runs, I am definitely wanting to back the pace off more than a minute per mile where I was at before. Part of all this is an inconsistent training schedule, but this is also far more drop in pace than I’ve seen with spotty running before.
That being said, I am feeling incredibly happy while I run. I feel much more in tune with my body when I run so the feeling of calm that I always get feels enhanced. With transitioning, I also feel far more like I am running in my body and better expressing who I want to be. So, while the pace loss feels like a challenge to work back towards (I wasn’t an elite runner so it may not be out of reach to speed back up), I feel so much more satisfaction with my running.
I also just started working with a running coach through Sisu Wolf which I’m hoping will help me with my goals of running more consistently and building up distance without injury. I’ve met with my coach Dr. Steph Mundt and I’m super excited and motivated to get moving more!
Gender Expression
With the estrogen injections, I’ve also been noticing a lot more body transition as well which has been exciting. For the first time, my hormone levels are in the “typical female range” which has been the big hurdle to really get things going. I’ve got an appointment coming up with my doctor to consider switching off the bicalutamide for liver safety, as once a person is in the range sometimes estradiol can be enough to suppress the testosterone, or I could switch back to a different anti-androgen with lower risks.
With some more development, I’ve felt a lot more comfortable being out in public wearing feminine clothing. This has been liberating, as earlier I’d always felt somewhat anxious about my expression. I still wear some of my gender neutral outfits when I’m feeling that way as well, but overall I’ve been a lot more comfortable.
General Life
Overall the past few months have been really solid, but very busy and tiring. Katie and I got our Covid boosters and Nathan got his vaccine. I thought this would be a turning point to getting out a lot more, but then Omicron came shortly after. Having two energetic kids running around during the pandemic without feeling comfortable going out to more crowded places has taken up a lot of energy, both having to try to keep up with them all the time but also with the crankiness that they get when they don’t get out enough. It’s hard when we mostly are just stuck at the house or the same few local parks all the time.
The holidays were a lot of fun though. We took the kids out to Molbak’s, one of the local nurseries several times where they could move around without being too crowded. Katie and I went to Queen Mary’s tearoom, our one restaurant type visit of the pandemic. We ran around visiting our parents who live close.
As I mentioned, I am working on improving some habits to have more energy. For me this has been focused on time management. I wouldn’t say I have a problem wasting time and not getting big things done, more that I haven’t been setting aside time to do some of the more important little things. For example, I’ve set an earlier alarm so I can get through my morning routine of starting the coffee, doing a meditation, and stretching before the kids wake up. I haven’t found the best way for myself yet, but I’m also working on finding ways to remind myself of little things during the day that help keep me more energetic. My mom and I have also worked out some time she can watch the kids to make sure I can run on weekdays where it might be sporadic in the past because I didn’t have childcare (Katie’s schedule can be inconsistent, nature of her work). Last night I also realized I need to set myself an alarm to go to bed, so I don’t get sucked into something and lose track of time.
Overall, finding the time to do these little things have given me an overall more pleasant feeling and the energy to start doing more things I want to do, such as writing here (another thing I’ll schedule time to do every week).